Dance Alone
by chocoholicannanymous
Summary: When Blaine accuses him of cheating Kurt faces a choice: breaking, bending or standing up for himself. He never expected what that would lead to.
1. Chapter 1

**Dance Alone**

Kurt focused on breathing, trying to calm himself enough to drive. (Because at that moment? He was an accident waiting to happen.)

Blaine had accused him of cheating. Had stood up in Glee and accused Kurt of cheating. He... He just couldn't.

He'd been so sure that once Blaine had had some to to think he'd see that while it had been stupid of Kurt to trade texts with another boy, a flirty gay boy, it hadn't been **cheating**.

Only Blaine **hadn't** seen. Instead he'd walked into Glee and sung it out – sung a **breakup **song – dragging every single one of Kurt's friends into their fight. And judging from their behavior they'd all taken his side.

Okay, so maybe not Sam – but the jury was still out on him. He hadn't spoken up in defense of Blaine, sure, but he hadn't spoken up for Kurt either. And that? That was a little too telling for his taste.

Funny. Pretty much every single one of them had done worse than him, yet he was the bad guy? They hadn't even reacted to this when Rachel cheated on Fin with Puck, and hell, they'd practically **supported** Sam and Mercedes going behind Shane's back. Even with Blaine– Kurt cringed.

When Blaine had been talking to Sebastian no one had cared – until Blaine had blabbed their set list.

Kurt was suddenly shocked out of his panic. _No one cared._ Four months of Blaine talking to Sebastian, through text and skype and phone and sometimes over coffee. Four months of Blaine hanging out with the boy who was trying to steal him away. And no one had cared. No one had questioned it, or called it cheating. But one week – **less** than one week – of Kurt texting, and **only** texting, another boy and suddenly **everyone** cared. Suddenly they all acted like they'd personally been hurt by his actions, and as if he was the anti-Christ. (And wasn't **that** a familiar feeling?)

Because Chandler was flirty. (Never mind that he'd never made any kind of **real** move on Kurt.) Because Sebastian was "family friendly".

Kurt frowned. That still didn't seem right to him. The criminal chipmunk might be a lot of things, and some of them even decent, but family friendly? PG 13? With the filth that usually came out of Smythe's mouth in Kurt's presence he had come across as anything but, and it honestly didn't seem likely that he'd been that much different alone with Blaine. Then he wouldn't really know – he hadn't seen the texts exchanged, and had obviously not been present for their conversations.

Sure, he could always ask Blaine if he could see those "family friendly" texts for himself, but he had a strong feeling that not only would Blaine refuse – because Kurt was supposed to trust him – but that those texts were no longer present on his phone. Snooping was an option, yes, but only theoretically. Blaine was downright **paranoid** when it came to his phone.

And that meant, since there was no way Blaine would talk about it, that he had no way of telling what supposedly made the "Kurt-and-Chandler" situation that much different, so much worse than the "Blaine-and-Sebastian" one. None.

_But, is it really? Or is it only different because Blaine says it is?_

That thought...was painful. Because it somehow felt so very accurate. Honestly? The only difference Kurt saw was that Blaine's transgressions were worse. That was him though. No one else seemed to think that way.

It all hurt. Part of Kurt wanted to just ignore everything that had just crossed his mind, and instead go home to prepare his own song ("I Have Nothing" came to mind) but another part...

That part of him that had worn a kilt to prom and a corset to school, that had landed him spots on both the Cheerios and the Titans, that part wanted him to stand up for himself. Wanted to erase all doubt. And he knew exactly how to do it. Only... If he did? Then he just might ruin every possibility of him and Blaine ever fixing things – even if Kurt's new suspicions turned out to be unfounded.

However, something about Blaine's arguments had seemed off to Kurt, even if he hadn't been able to pinpoint exactly what in the panic, and the hurt and the – yes – guilt. Now though... Now the picture was getting clearer to him. No matter what Blaine said, or thought, there was one absolute fact talking against him: what Kurt had seen and heard for himself simply wasn't compatible with what Blaine was describing.

Basically, he had two options. He could walk into Glee the next day and grovel, taking responsibility for things he felt he hadn't done while excusing everything that Blaine had done wrong. Or... He could go with his gut. He could show some backbone.

"_No one pushes the Hummels around"_ his memory whispered, and something told him his dad hadn't excluded partners in that. Just like that he made up his mind.

He pulled out of the parking lot.

The drive to the Anderson house had never been so short. Or so long. And now Kurt just sat there, staring into thin air as doubt ran wild through him. Did he really want to do this? He could still back out, could still decide to trust his boyfriend and to fight for their relationship. It meant forgetting every thought that had crossed his mind in the last hour or so though. It meant forgetting that Blaine had called him a cheater, and his misgivings when it came to Sebastian Smythe, meant swallowing the hurt and the doubts, and just go on as if nothing had changed.

Except...it didn't. It meant more than that – it meant begging for forgiveness while accepting that **Blaine** had done nothing to warrant some begging of his own. And Kurt didn't think he could do that.

He swallowed and kept staring in front of him. So. He had two options. The first was to leave and never ever revisit the thoughts of Blaine being a bad boyfriend. The other one... The other meant going into Blaine's home, invade his privacy and violate his trust. He'd be breaking the promises he'd made, both to Blaine and to himself, about how to act in this relationship. Chances were he'd also be breaking what remained of said relationship.

He couldn't see how he'd be able to save his relationship, to have it be healthy in any way, if he resorted to snooping. Only, he wasn't too sure there was anything left to save as it was.

Once he'd begun having doubts, begun thinking critically about Blaine's behavior? Once that happened "Klaine" had begun disintegrating, and the remaining pieces felt too small, too brittle, too painful to seem salvageable.

Before he knew it he was out of the car, using the key he'd been entrusted with during Blaine's convalescence, and quickly found his way to his boyfriend's room. Once there he sat down in front of the computer (He did **not** look at the bed, the bed he'd lost his virginity in. He didn't) and turned it on.

Blaine was a creature of habit. It sometimes annoyed Kurt, but it made searching his computer easy. There was a "communication" folder, with various sub-folders for different people.

His own was at the top, and he knew that if he were to open it he would find everything he'd ever sent Blaine – every text, every e-mail, every picture... Even the completely irrelevant ones, like the cake spam from when he'd gone cake shopping with Carole before the wedding. Blaine saved **everything**.

And that meant that somewhere there should be a folder for Sebastian Smythe as well. Scrolling down the list of names – Wes, Mike, Artie, Cooper, Rachel, Mr Schue... – didn't give any result, but there was a "Warblers" folder. That's where he struck gold.

"Seb".

The casual label burned. Blaine had said that Sebastian Smythe meant nothing to him, yet he'd had no issues with meeting up with him, and talking, and using nicknames... And he'd kept everything. Even after the slushie, and the operation, he'd kept all of Sebastian's messages. That was...rather telling.

There were a lot of messages too. The sheer amount of files was daunting, and made him feel more than a little nauseated. They'd been in contact **that** often? There was no way he'd have time to look at everything, or even a small portion, and honestly? The fact that there were so many messages made his snooping feel justified.

He pulled out the flash drive he'd pocketed before leaving his car and started transferring the contents of the folder. As long as he had them he could always read them later. Or not. His conscience was already going back and forth between telling him that he had a right to know and bugging him about this being wrong, no matter what Blaine had or hadn't done.

Kurt had no idea what side of himself to listen to any longer – he just knew he had to make sure he had the option. Anything else could wait.

_~ TBC ~_


	2. Chapter 2

Note: This is the last chapter that I have finished. From here on I'll be updating as soon as I can, but expect at least a week between chapters. (I'm aiming for no more than two weeks though.)

**Dance Alone Pt 2**

The flash drive burned in his pocket, just as the guilt did in his stomach. He had just violated his boyfriend's – _was Blaine still his boyfriend though?_ – privacy in a way he'd sworn he'd never, ever do – not to anyone. So why had he? Because he was hurt? Because he wanted to strike back? Were any of his reasons really good enough, even if maybe, just maybe he'd been justified in his suspicions?

He didn't know. Just as he didn't know what to do next. Should he go through the messages or not? Wasn't the right thing to do to **make** Blaine sit down and talk about what was wrong, on **both** parts, and to give the other boy a chance to explain everything with Sebastian?

He needed to think, but couldn't. He needed help, but didn't know who to turn to. Theoretically he should be able to go to any of his friends with something like this, but. It was Blaine. And they were all Blaine's friends too – sometimes maybe even more so than his. Like say when they had chosen to back Blaine over him about the cheating, without even questioning it. (And **no**, he wasn't going to dwell on that painful insight.)

He needed someone objective yet friendly, and he needed a distraction. He just had no idea where to find either. And then he spotted it. Just a small sign, nothing flashy or obvious, but still a revelation. Suddenly he knew exactly where to go.

Quickly pulling over – because Kurt Hummel had **not** needed Quinn Fabray as an example when it came to phones and cars, thank you very much – Kurt dialed a number that was quickly becoming familiar and waited.

"Kurt?"

"David, hi. I'm not interrupting anything am I? Because I was hoping we could meet up for coffee."

"I... I don't–" The hesitation was obvious in the other boy's voice and Kurt winced. _Thoughtless, stupid. Fix it!_

"And by 'meet up' I obviously mean 'would it be okay if I grabbed some coffee and came over'." He hadn't, but he also hadn't been thinking. If he had it would have been a given that David wouldn't be up for being out and about quite yet – not even without the added stigma of being with the local gay kid._**Other**__ gay kid. _And maybe not being in public was better for **both** of them. "Please?" And it was low of him, resorting to begging, especially considering– _no, not going there_. But. "I could really need some time with a friend right now."

"Yeah, okay. Sure, you can come over. Some time with a friend sounds great."

And how sad was it that they'd come to this? The popular jock who ruled the school. The gleek with his crazy but supportive "family". Both of them had had their own circles of friends with no need to look any further. To each other they'd only been bully and victim – _**ex**_ – and now it seemed as they'd become the only one the other could rely on.

Twenty minutes later as Kurt looked at David's shy smile over a cup of tea – because apparently coffee irritated his throat too much – he thought that maybe that wasn't so bad after all. And god, he wasn't seriously sitting there admiring the way that smile made David's eyes glitter, was he? Oh, he was. That was bad. Very, very... Reroute brain!

"Distract me. Let's... Let's talk about college!"

"I thought you didn't know yet."

"I don't. My audition isn't until next week, and then there's waiting for an answer that won't show up until sometime late May. I meant you. Tell me all about this college that's going to make the next four years of your life an amazing experience." Because the last thing he wanted to talk about right then was his damned audition.

"I'm not going." Three words, said in a quiet voice, and yet they shocked Kurt like they'd been screamed.

"What? But... I don't understand. You sounded so happy about it, and you have a scholarship–"

"**Had**. They withdrew the offer." Again, such a short, quiet sentence and such a punch they delivered.

"What? They can't do that! Tell me they can't do that! Why are they **doing that**?" And he could tell he wasn't making things better, but he didn't understand.

"The thing about being outed the way I was? It doesn't stay quiet, and it sure as hell doesn't stay local. I don't know if the school was keeping tabs on me, or if someone tipped them off – and to be honest it doesn't matter. They found out. And they were **not** happy.

So now not only do I not have a scholarship, but also I'm not welcome at the school I was pinning all my hopes on."

And Kurt felt so helpless, looking at the other boy. David looked drained, of energy and happiness, and so very different from how he'd looked just moments ago, before Kurt had ruined it by opening his mouth. It was a look that brought out all his protective instincts.

"That's not right. They shouldn't be allowed to do that. You could fight it. I admit I'm not the best resource on how, but I could help you look it up" because anything beat going home to deal with a certain flash drive issue "and I'll support you every step of the way. The Berrys have contacts in the ACLU," as everyone who'd ever had the misfortune of angering Rachel knew, "and I know my dad would be happy to help as well." And he **did** know that.

Burt Hummel might have been willing to go after David back when he'd been a stupid jock hurting his son, but now that Kurt was no longer in any danger and **David** was the one being hurt? The tables had turned, alright, and Burt Hummel was man enough to step up.

"Yeah, I could fight it. But it would be a really bad idea. Officially I lost my scholarship because I didn't finish out the season, and the semester. Unofficially? I'm the **fag** that made them look bad, and if I show my face there they are going to make me pay. After all, grading can be **very** subjective, and if I complain, well. By now everyone 'knows' that I'm not exactly stable."

Kurt winced. Were they really assholes enough to use David's desperate attempt to end the torment (by ending his **life**) against him?

"Also, if I win? There are other ways to make me pay, you know. Worst case scenario they force me to actually take a place on the team."

"I don't understand. You love playing, don't you? And being on the team would mean getting your scholarship, wouldn't it?" David nodded. "Then how can that be a bad thing?"

Granted, sports weren't his thing. They'd **never** been, and the best he could manage was to not let it show exactly how bored he was when joining his dad. Still, shouldn't getting to be on the team be a good thing?

"I don't... Look, Kurt. You're not stupid. You **know** that playing a contact sport can be dangerous – you **have** to know that. But I'm not sure if you realize that the most dangerous part? Is playing with guys who want you off the team.

Wanna guess why I switched from hockey to football? It had nothing to do with preference – because then I'd pick hockey any day of the week. Same goes for talent. And it sure as hell wasn't that I thought that the football team would take it better if they found out about me. No, it came down to one thing. I wanted to play a sport, but I knew I could be outed any day. And you know what I decided? I decided that if that happened I'd prefer it if the guys coming after me didn't have knives strapped to their feet."

Kurt swallowed. He was well aware of how horrible things could be, how little the people of Lima thought about hurting someone for being gay, but this? What David was describing? It wasn't something he'd thought about. He'd encouraged – okay, **pushed** – David to come out thinking that the good would outweigh the bad. But when he'd thought "bad" he'd meant slushies and slurs, thinking David's size and his friends would keep the more physical bullying away.

To find out that David had been worrying about his teammates, those same friends Kurt had seen as backup, causing that same bullying? Worrying about how badly they would be able to hurt him? That scared him – and made him feel very small.

"David? I'm sorry. I'm sorry for this happening to you, but most of all I'm sorry for every time I said – no, that I even **thought** that you should just come out. I didn't mean to be an idiot about it, but obviously I managed anyway. I thought... I honestly believed it would be a good thing, for everyone. For you as well.

I didn't see this side though. So, I apologize."

"No! You don't get to apologize, Kurt, not you, not after everything–"

"But I do. David, what's happened in our past, what you did and said? Yes, you made mistakes. Some pretty awful ones too. But they are in the past. You apologized and you meant it, I know you did, and I've forgiven you.

So you need to let it go, and forgive yourself, and most of all? You need to let go of the idea that I get some sort of free pass at behaving like an idiot towards you because of it.

I'm not perfect. I know I'm not. I make all these stupid mistakes too, and I get away with too many of them when it comes to some people" _and none at all with others_ "and I need to learn to do better. And to apologize.

I tend to make generalizations, to think that what's true for me has to be true for others as well, and I keep doing that to you. Maybe it's because for so long I only had myself to look to when it came to what being gay meant. That still doesn't make it right. I thought I could tell you to come out because I knew what it meant to do so. Because I **thought** I knew what it meant.

I forgot that we are very different people, with different circumstances, and that my experience wouldn't be yours. **Couldn't** be, because we're not the same.

I messed up, and I'm sorry for it. And **you** don't get to tell me otherwise."

That felt... Refreshing. He'd mishandled things with David and he **knew** it, and if they were to be friends, really be friends, then he needed to do better – and to have David know where they stood. Know that he should never just roll over and take it when Kurt messed up.

"Okay. Then I forgive you. And I'll... I'll work on what you told me. I promise."

"Great. Now, if you're not going to fight that stupid school, what **are** you going to do? I mean, you said you pinned all your hopes on it, but there has to be something else...?"

"I already turned down the other schools I was accepted at, and with the exception of community college I'm screwed, basically, on the school part. I haven't had too much time to think about it, since I only found out yesterday, but I guess I'll have to find a job."

They shared a grimace. Waiting for a year or two before college and working instead was **theoretically** not a bad thing, but for people like them, who'd been dreaming – and **dreaming hard** –of getting out for so long? It was torture. Especially if that "working and waiting" took place in Lima. Lima might be an okay place for some, but not for a gay teen.

"What do you want to do? No limits except your own – what do you **want**?"

"Want? I want... To play hockey. Become a sports agent. Get the hell out of Lima. Never having to deal with certain people again. But–"

"No, no buts. Okay? Those are **good** dreams, David. Don't let anyone tell you differently. Don't let **yourself** tell you differently. You're obviously a good hockey player, otherwise you wouldn't have been recruited, am I right?"

"Yeah. But what team wants a gay guy? You **know** what the jock mentality is like. And it doesn't get any better outside of high school – it gets **worse**. I told you, I go on the ice with them **knowing** and I'm toast. It's that simple."

Kurt didn't know how to argue against that. He didn't know enough about sports to even know where to start. Except...

"Maybe you're right. Maybe every team is like that. **Here**. But there are other places, other countries playing hockey, aren't there? It's big in Canada, right, and, and... Russia! There has to be somewhere you could find a team willing to take you on, especially since not everywhere is as homophobic as here."

He was reaching, sure, but there was a light coming back on in David's eyes, and he knew he was onto something. Except for the part about Russia – which might have been one of the most stupid things he'd said all year, with how bad things were there for lgbt persons. Still. Now, how to put the pieces together...

"Canada has marriage equality, and I know several European countries do as well. Surely there has to be a team somewhere out there who'd be okay with taking on someone talented! Okay, maybe you can't just show up and get a starting position or whatever, but some sort of internship?" And oh, this was **clearly** not just about David, but just as much about Kurt's own fears and uncertainties when it came to the future. That didn't make it any less true though. Right?

The smile he was rewarded with might not have been David's best effort, but it was a lot better than the depression of just a few minutes ago.

"Come on. At least look it up, would you? I'd say 'we' but, well. I'm pretty useless when it comes to sports, and we both know it." This time he got a laugh.

"Yeah, well, I'm not going to agree with you! I like my head where it is, thank you, so telling you you're useless? Not happening, okay. But... It's a good idea. Canada sounds like a good place to start, with it being on the same continent, but Europe would work too. I'll see what I can dig up.

But Kurt? What about you? I don't want to pry, but it's been obvious since you called that something's not right, and you asking me to distract you only confirmed it. Want to talk about it?"

For a moment he debated saying no. He didn't want to burden David, not when he had his problems – problems that, to be honest, made Kurt's seem small and petty in comparison. But. Experience had taught him that repressing what bothered him only led to more problems later on. Besides, rating issues? Saying that someone's problems were less important? Bad idea.

"It's not pretty, and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable or as if you have to listen. You have your own life to deal with. I don't mind talking to you about it though..." Or well, he kind of did, because what David thought of him **mattered**. If David told him he'd been cheating, and was a bad person... That would hurt. It would also be the most unbiased opinion he'd be able to get from someone who knew both him and Blaine.

"Then talk. You listened to me, now I listen to you. That's what friends do, isn't it?"

And the hesitant way David said "friends" was what did him in. Turned out, he was defenseless against that longing look.

"Okay. Blaine and I are...having some problems. He thinks I'm cheating on him, and called me out on it in Glee today. In front of all our friends, who seem to be siding with him."

That was...diplomatic. Too much so. He'd wanted an opinion, hadn't he? It had been part of why he'd contacted the jock, so that he'd have the option of talking about what had happened and have someone else weigh in on it. But for that to happen he needed to be more honest than that.

"Things have been difficult for a while. I know that it's partly because of me, because I'm so focused on my audition and trying to get into NYADA, but it's not just that. He's been pulling away, and pretending he's not, and I... I missed having him there.

So a few days ago I went to look for sheet music, alone, again, because he couldn't make it, and met someone. A **gay** someone. It wasn't like **that**, not for me, but I could tell he saw things a little differently. He asked for my number, and I was stupid enough to give it to him. I told myself it was okay, he was just a potential friend, someone who's also applying for college in New York this year. But.

Then the first text came, and it was flirty. Really, really flirty. Bad jokes and such, no propositioning or anything, but enough for me to feel a little uneasy. Not enough for me to put a stop to it though. I should have, I know, but instead I just let him know I already had a boyfriend. And I thought that made it okay – or rather, I pretended that it did. Because Blaine spent four months texting Sebastian – that guy from Scandals? – and that was supposed to be okay."

He could hear the whining, defensive tone in his voice and paused. If David was going to judge him, then he would do so regardless of how many details Kurt gave him. And if he wasn't? There really was no good reason to rehash everything, not when it would only serve to make Kurt feel even worse.

"So what happened?" An even tone, no judgment to be picked up on, but. No support either.

"Yesterday Blaine went through my phone. He was in my room, my phone kept buzzing from Chandler texting, and so Blaine picked it up and searched it.

I got upset and defensive, he got angry and called me a cheater, before storming out. Then today he called me out on it through song in Glee, and they all... God, it's not like they have any room to judge! With the exception of Artie every single one of them have either cheated or helped someone else cheat.

And that's okay. Blaine spending so much time with Sebastian was okay too, up to the point where he sold out our setlist for Regionals. And even then...

I mean, I know I shouldn't have let Chandler text me those things. I know I should have been firmer with setting bounders if he wanted to be my friend. But I didn't cheat! I was stupid, but I didn't cheat." And he ran out of steam, and confidence, and just...everything.

"Did I?"

He looked up at the other boy, searched for an answer in troubled hazel eyes and felt like such an ass for doing this, for laying this on David – when he **knew**... And oh, how uncomfortable the jock looked. Kurt felt shame burn on his cheeks and opened his mouth to tell his friend (?) to forget about it, to forget he'd ever said anything at all about it and–

"Look, I'm not the best one to talk to about relationships, and I have no business telling anyone how to handle theirs – not with my most successful one being with Santana – but it sounds like the two of you are having problems. Serious problems. You should talk to each other, not just sing." And yeah, David definitely had a point there. "And in private, because doing that in front of your friends was kind of an asshole move. Sorry. But, as for what you did? Me personally? I wouldn't call it cheating, but that's **me**. As for whether or not he had a right to be upset about your texting, I guess it depends on what kind of agreement you have."

The words shocked him. Agreement? _Agreement?_ The word echoed inside him, and **hurt**. He and Blaine didn't have any kind of agreement – they had (had had?) a **relationship**. Kurt hadn't known there was a need for an agreement about what did and didn't constitute cheating.

What he **had** known going into all this was that Blaine had exchanged texts with Sebastian, had talked to him on the phone, and met him for coffee at least once. So, he'd figured that it would be okay, non-cheating behavior for **him** to text Chandler. After all, that was how Blaine had treated it during the few seconds Kurt had managed to get him to talk about him being in contact with Sebastian.

Trading texts with Chandler had felt okay in that light. Or, to be honest, he'd convinced himself that it did. Because really? Giving Chandler his number had felt weird, and the first flirty text he'd received had almost led to him blocking the other boy.

He'd pushed that feeling away though – which he was willing to admit had been both wrong and stupid – because Blaine had done it first. (And god, did that make him feel childish.)

Yes, he'd screwed up. Yes, he'd used Chandler both to make himself feel better and in the hope of making Blaine jealous. He'd acted wrong.

But if what Kurt had done was wrong then so was what **Blaine** had done – only Blaine didn't see it like that. Because he didn't "like" Sebastian.

And maybe he hadn't. What he had liked, however, was the attention the Warbler had heaped on him. That much had been glaringly obvious. And if it was cheating when **Kurt** texted someone else because he liked having that person pay attention to him? Then the same had to be true for Blaine.

Honestly, he couldn't see any other reason for Blaine to have stayed in touch with Sebastian. They had met at Dalton, yes, but Blaine wasn't a student there any longer, nor was he a Warbler. And really, those two things and being gay was all the common ground the two had shared.

That on its own shouldn't have been enough for Blaine to insist on keeping Sebastian in his life once Kurt had made it clear that he didn't like it, and felt threatened by it. Add the fact that Sebastian had been clearly coming on to Blaine, and hadn't cared that he was already in a relationship? (And yes, he'd heard that much before revealing himself to the coffee drinking duo.)

That hadn't felt right to Kurt, and he'd only agreed it was okay because Blaine had insisted it was. He hadn't pushed, because while he might not have trusted the meerkat he'd trusted his boyfriend – and the last thing he wanted was to be controlling and possessive. How interesting it was to see that everything was different now that the tables were turned.

He honestly couldn't have told anyone what the rest of his time in the Karofsky household had contained – he was too busy brooding and going back and forth between rage and guilt.

But as Kurt drove home parts of their conversation kept coming back to haunt him. The way David had looked and sounded when talking about his teammates coming after him, wanting to hurt him... To David it hadn't been a possibility, it had been a certainty. And the way he'd talked about the skates...

Kurt shuddered and swallowed down bile. He knew exactly how sharp good skates were. For David to have envisioned those blades being used as weapons against him, cutting him, making him– No. Just... No.

A vivid imagination was a blessing most times, but when it came to scenarios like these... It was a curse. He already knew he'd be having nightmares about it, the full HD, Technicolor experience.

He'd honestly never imagined a scenario like that. Not for either of them – not even with Blaine's story in mind. McKinley had always meant violence, yes, but not **like that**. Ruined clothes, ruined books and school supplies. Bruises and scrapes. But it had never really gone beyond that to something truly harmful.

Kurt's worst case scenario had always been rape. He'd known for years that it was a possibility for someone like him, and he'd readied himself to fight back should it ever come down to that, but he'd never **really** feared it. Not at school. Sure, there was talk – there had **always** been talk – about giving him what he 'was so obviously begging for', but that was all it had ever been, and ever would be. Talk.

There had been a football player during Kurt's sophomore year, a senior, that had set off his alarms, as well as two guys on the hockey team after that. He'd been even more careful around them, but he'd never actually **believed** they'd go through with it. Because no matter how awful McKinley was, rape was going too far. Not even the worst of his bullies would have let that pass – and Kurt had that on excellent authority.

(Puck had confirmed it, drunk, that even when he was throwing Kurt into the dumpster on a daily basis he would have hospitalized anyone trying **that**.)

Worst case scenarios were just that. Scenarios. Something to plan for and avoid – not something to count on as unavoidable truth. That it hadn't been so for David made him want to cry. Sure, he hadn't gotten hurt, physically hurt, by anyone else (yet) but everything else?

With the exception of his father and Kurt David had lost everyone. Every single person he'd once counted as a friend had instead turned into part of the bloodthirsty mob chasing him.

Not even Kurt's imagination could make him understand that.

He never wanted to understand that.

_~ TBC ~_


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor would I care to with the current writing.

**Dance Alone Pt 3**

By the time Kurt finally got around to going through the messages he'd copied from Blaine's computer he'd already made a decision: no matter what he found, he and Blaine needed to **talk**. Maybe go to couples counseling. (Not with Miss Pillsbury, though, since history proved that **that** never ended well for anyone) Things needed to change between them though, or they'd never make it.

And even with things being a bit rough at the moment Kurt **wanted** them to make it.

That resolve lasted about two minutes.

He'd started with a chat log, and well, **Blaine** might have kept his messages "family friendly". But Sebastian? Just as Kurt had expected **those** were a completely different story.

Sebastian had mixed compliments, flirting, outright propositioning and insults to Kurt. Pretty much as he'd expected. What he hadn't expected was that Blaine hadn't done more than raise token protests.

That hurt.

Still, even if that one file was all Kurt needed to know that Blaine wasn't as innocent as he'd claimed, nor as good of a boyfriend, he was still going to look at everything. In for a penny, in for a pound. And besides, if he didn't, and confronted Blaine? Chances were he'd find out this was the only time things had been that bad.

God, he hoped so.

Slowly Kurt went through every single file, despite how much it hurt seeing how Sebastian had flirted while Blaine had offered nothing but token protests. Instead he had just soaked up the compliments, and allowed the blatant come-ons, without even once telling the other boy that his behavior was unacceptable.

Still, Blaine hadn't flirted back. Not really. There were a few comments Kurt was uncomfortable with, but seeing as it was Blaine chances were they hadn't meant anything. (They **needed** to not mean anything. They hadn't meant anything when Blaine had said them to **him** in the beginning, after all.) There was one message that gave him pause, though, just a few lines from Blaine to Sebastian. It **could** mean something completely innocent, but something about it made Kurt's stomach clench.

"_Seb. About yesterday. What I said was out of line. Please, forget it. I'm with Kurt."_

Yeah. It could be innocent. It sounded "family friendly". He just had a very insistent feeling that he really, really didn't want to know what it was that Blaine had said. On a Saturday night. On a Saturday night when Kurt hadn't been able to see Blaine, because he'd been to some party or other with his parents. _Or so he __**said**__..._

The message had been sent only days before the "I Want You Back" spectacle. He didn't want to think about what that could mean either. He didn't exactly get to choose though, because his brain was done taking directions. It sounded like Blaine had encouraged Sebastian in some way – a theory that was only validated by the Warbler's tone in the following messages.

Also, everything about that message said that Blaine had spoken to Sebastian in person – and that made one more such occasion that Kurt hadn't known about. Texting Chandler felt even less of an offense after that. Kurt choked back a bitter laugh. It sounded like Blaine had behaved in a way he would have crucified **Kurt** for.

_Hypocrite._

He saved the video for last – and ended up having to puke after watching less than half. Going back to his computer, restarting and watching the rest of it was one of the hardest things he'd ever done – outside of anything having to do with his dad's heart attack. In the end it was only the hope that it wouldn't turn out to be as horrible as it first seemed that got him there. It was even worse.

Sebastian had sent Blaine a video of himself masturbating. While moaning Blaine's name. **And Blaine had kept it.**

He threw up again.

Once he'd gotten the taste of vomit out of his mouth (and mostly gotten over the urge to throw up a third time) Kurt sat down and tried to focus.

Blaine had... Wow, he didn't even know how to phrase it. It wasn't cheating, not really – no matter **how** certain he was that Blaine would have used that label had it been **Kurt** behaving that way – but what Blaine had done was wrong on so many levels it made Kurt's head spin.

Four months worth of Sebastian's flirting suddenly felt like child's play. All Kurt could focus on was that what pretty much amounted to a sex tape, with Blaine as the object, had stayed on Blaine's hard drive for almost two months. "Family friendly". He laughed, only to have it morph into a sob.

Oh God, what a mess his life was.

One week until his audition. Seven days. He needed to keep everything together for another seven days, no matter how much he wanted to rant and rave and destroy (Blaine) things. He had absolutely no idea how.

At least he was lucky enough to still be alone in the house. That would change soon though, because even if his dad had been detained in D.C. and Carole had joined him there was still Finn. Oh god, Finn. One of the last things he wanted right then was to deal with his stepbrother, or, to be honest: to deal with Finn sprouting Blaine-propaganda.

To think he'd been so happy to have his stepbrother and his boyfriend get over their issues and become closer. And now he would have given so much to have Finn still resent Blaine, just so he'd feel like there was someone having his back.

Because that? Was something he was afraid wouldn't happen with the rest of the New Directions. Judging from how they'd all behaved during Blaine's song earlier they wouldn't be taking his side – not unless Kurt told them everything.

And, he had to admit, maybe not then either. Blaine had charmed them all, at Kurt's expense. It hadn't really meant anything before, but now... Now it might mean everything.

He needed a plan, and borrowing his dad's blow torch (the thought placed a brief but fond smile on his face) before paying a visit to both Blaine and Sebastian Smythe wasn't one. At least it wasn't a good one. (He'd hold onto the idea for later though, place in his mental archive to revisit in his imagination and allow his frustration to run its course.)

Thanking his lucky star for the mini-fridge and kettle residing in his room, and having an en suite bathroom, Kurt took a quick trip downstairs to stock up on food items. He might not have any kind of appetite at the moment, but sooner or later he would – or would have to force himself to eat anyway. Watching his weight was one thing, but starving oneself was never acceptable.

When he was satisfied with his stash he locked the door, and then turned off his computer. Next he called his dad, keeping it short with the excuse of not feeling well, and warning him that Kurt would be keeping his phone off most of the weekend in order to get some well needed rest. Then he turned his phone off too.

Five seconds later he turned it back on, suddenly stuck by a realization.

David would be worried after their talk – not just for himself, but for Kurt too – and that meant Kurt just dropping off the face of the Earth for a few days would be a bad idea. He did **not** want to give his friend more grief, not when he had so much going on in his own life. However, he really didn't want to talk, not to anyone, and so he just fired off a text about having to think and being off the radar for a few days. _I'll still check my e-mail though_ he wrote, and added his semi-secret address.

The first thing he needed to do was decide if he wanted to stay with Blaine.

As much as he felt insane for thinking about it, he had loved Blaine for so long. They'd been together for a year, without fights, which was quite an achievement for a teenage couple, and Kurt had fallen in love long before that.

There was also the fact that Blaine was his best friend, and breaking up most meant losing that as well. (Not just because Blaine might not want to stay friends, should Kurt end things, but because if Kurt ended their relationship it would be because he decided that Blaine's behavior was unforgivable.)

Yes, what Blaine had done – and allowed Sebastian to do – hurt, but was it unforgivable? Couples overcame obstacles and stupid issues all the time, didn't they, and surely if they were actually meant to be – as Kurt had believed all along – then they could fix this too.

It would mean a lot of work, but surely they could do it.

In the end, what it came down to was one question: was he really ready to give up on Blaine and their relationship? Just a few months ago he'd been willing, eager in fact, to get engaged when he'd seen the ring box in Blaine's hand and thought his boyfriend was proposing. (Stupid, yes, but. He'd been in love, and there **was** the option of a long engagement.)

And there his thoughts ran into another obstacle. Christmas. He hadn't minded that Blaine's gift for him had been handmade from gum wrappers – wouldn't have minded even without the money aspect – because he'd loved the sentiment behind the gift. He'd looked at it and loved the effort his boyfriend had put in. Calling it – or Blaine – cheap had never crossed his mind.

Now however... His brain skipped back to the messages he'd just read, flashing on the one where Sebastian had thanked Blaine for **his** Christmas present, and he couldn't help but wonder if the curly-haired boy had had money for **that** gift.

Somehow he thought the answer would be "yes". (After all, during the last year and a half Blaine had never been without money except for that one time.)

No. Maybe the question wasn't if Kurt was ready to give up. Maybe it should be whether or not Blaine was willing to fight. And maybe Kurt already knew the answer to that one.

Fighting for their relationship would mean so much more than Kurt had imagined, and the two of them actually talking – as opposed to singing, thank you David – would only be the start. The couples counseling Kurt had thought about before going through Blaine's messages would be a must, and probably some one-on-one counseling as well.

And they would both have to come clean, about **everything**. Kurt would have to admit to snooping. Blaine would have to admit to whatever it was he'd had going on with Sebastian.

Most importantly though, Kurt realized, Blaine would have to apologize. For calling him a cheater. For doing something similar but so, so much more incriminating himself. For being a hypocrite. And while they were at it, Kurt though bitterly, how about Blaine apologizing for Tony? (Yes, he was still upset – how could he not be, when it was his NYADA dream at stake?) Or maybe for what had happened in the parking lot at Scandals...

Kurt swallowed. He'd thought he was over that, but apparently he wasn't. When it had happened he'd been so desperate for things to be good again that he'd accepted Blaine's apology without even thinking twice, and then shoved the whole experience into the back of his mind. Now though...now his brain pulled it out again, happily pointing out that Blaine hadn't **really** apologized. Not for any of the things that mattered, such as not listening when Kurt had said no.

And there, he realized, was his answer. He needed Blaine to apologize, to do so completely and without reservations, and Blaine...never had. Not once. He needed Blaine to be completely honest about Sebastian, and whatever other dark secrets he might be hiding, and he didn't think Blaine would.

The outcome of his relationship basically came down to those two things – and he couldn't trust his boyfriend to deliver.

Well. That was it then.

Now that he knew what he was going to do about Blaine it was time to figure out what to do about everything else.

Going back to school right then was **not** an option. He knew himself well enough to realize he'd only get himself into trouble if he did. He would be cornered by Blaine, or one of the other New Direction members, and explode – maybe even enough to get suspended.

There was also the fact that he had an audition to prepare for, one that he simply **had to** nail, and focusing while getting hounded by everyone would be impossible.

The prospect of **not** being hounded didn't even cross his mind – not as a viable option. He knew his friends too well for that.

Part of him envied David. Homeschooling had been on his mind as an option on several occasions, but this was the first time he'd really wanted it. Honestly, the only thing stopping him from actually switching right then was the fact that there was only two months left of high school.

It would be more trouble than Blaine Anderson was worth.

Things would have been so much easier if Blaine had just stayed at Dalton, he thought, cursing himself for ever mentioning transfer in the first place. If he'd only kept his mouth shut!

And then he snorted.

Because no matter what story Blaine was telling people – the one where he transferred for himself, or the one where he did it for Kurt – the truth was that the ex-Warbler had very much done it for selfish reasons. It had always been obvious to Kurt that his ex (and yes, he was looking at the boy that way now even if Blaine didn't know it was over yet) had seen the options of trading the Warblers for the New Directions – he'd counted on it even, when first bringing the subject up.

The New Directions were a lot more likely to go to Nationals than the Warblers, if only because of small-minded jurors that felt boys singing together was "too gay" (Blaine knew as well as he did that this was what had cost them Regionals the year before). A strong voice could, theoretically, score a solo at Nationals with relative ease. And for someone who could afford to wait a year for the spotlight... Yes, from that point of view the New Directions definitely looked better than the Warblers.

And Kurt had known that. Had even known his chances of getting a competition solo would grow even more minuscule with Blaine there as an option. He just hadn't cared that much. Clearly he'd been an idiot, but. It came with the territory, right? Everyone got more or less stupid when in love.

By the time he'd realized exactly how badly it would impact him – during the auditions for West Side Story – it had been too late, and he'd just resigned himself to being delegated to the background. Had comforted himself that at least he got Blaine out of it.

Yeah, right.

Kurt found himself wishing that Blaine had stayed at Dalton for another reason as well. Judging from the evidence his relationship wouldn't have survived for long had Blaine been there, in contact with Sebastian Smythe every day – and that would have been fine. It might have saved him both regrets and heartache – and then he would have had the support of his friends.

Getting permission from his dad to stay home from school for a few days – while not technically needed, with him being 18, it made for less fuss – was relatively easy. He'd already laid the groundwork with his earlier call, and all it took was a few well phrased truths. He didn't feel well. He had a headache, and had thrown up. He absolutely **could not** afford to get sick this close to his audition.

It was only the first step though. Still, it made the next one a hell of a lot easier.

Rounding up everything Blaine-related was also relatively easy – yet oh so hard at the same time. There were memories attached to everything, and most of those were good.

**Had been** good, at least, because with his new knowledge everything was tainted. That didn't change the ache in his heart.

Still, soon enough he had two sorted piles on his bed. One contained things to get rid off, and the other things to return to Blaine. The first he threw into a box and shoved underneath his bed for later (suppressing thoughts of taking them out back, dousing them in gasoline and setting them on fire, right there and then) while the second was packed into a bag Blaine had left behind.

On the top went the bow tie ring.

Part of him wanted to destroy it, rip it to pieces and **burn** it, but the more realistic part of him knew returning it was smarter. It just might be the only way to force the reality of the breakup through Blaine's thick skull (and its gel casing). Because Kurt wasn't just returning gifts and left behind items – he was making a statement.

Kurt Hummel was **done** with Blaine Anderson and his shitty promises.

"_I promise to always listen to you, even when you're wrong."_

Yeah, right. Kurt snorted. Listening had never been one of Blaine's stronger sides, not unless it was something he wanted to hear, but Kurt had though that might change once they got together.

He'd been willing to accept the boy's behavior without changes, though. He'd been so very much in love, and so happy (and grateful) to finally have someone love him back) that he would have accepted a lot more than that. And, it wasn't like he was without flaws.

So he'd accepted Blaine as he was – as he himself wanted to be accepted.

It hadn't quite worked out that way though.

As for the "even when you're wrong" part, well. The less said about **that** crap, the better. Because it **was** crap – Blaine had proved that beyond a doubt over the past days.

And to think he'd actually fallen for it. He'd wanted to, he supposed, had held such high hopes that Blaine would trust in him as he did in Blaine.

It was time for a new regime, so to speak. His days of leaning on Blaine, allowing himself to be lead by Blaine, were over. It was time for Kurt Hummel to take charge, and take charge he would. _Just you watch out..._


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor would I care to with the current writing.

**Dance Alone Pt 4**

_So how exactly do you go about a breakup?_

Kurt had no idea. Oh, he'd seen plenty of examples over the last three years, but none of them were exactly **good** examples. When it came to his friends practically every single one of them had messed up in that department, and Kurt... Well, he wanted to do better.

Not that he would mind Blaine feeling at least a little of the hurt he had been experiencing, but he also wanted to be a better person. He wasn't always, but sinking to that level? That way lay disaster.

So, ignoring every single one of the breakups he'd witnessed, what should he do? He wasn't going back to school Monday, no matter what, and maybe not until Friday – if he could get away with it. Should he wait until then and talk to Blaine in person?

He imagined the scenario and shuddered. No. Blaine would pull out the kicked puppy routine, and make a scene, dragging all their friends into it, and just. No. There had been enough airing of dirty laundry, thank you, and he wasn't eager to give Blaine more material to work with.

Plus, it was kind of cruel to leave Blaine hanging until then, when Kurt **knew** he wasn't going to stay with the boy – and it would only give everyone more reason to call him a bad boyfriend. Yeah, right. Because clearly **Kurt** was the bad boyfriend in this scenario.

So, should he go the Tina route and text the breakup? That had worked for her, in a way, but Kurt didn't think it was right. He hadn't approved of it back then, even if he hadn't called her out on it, and that meant he couldn't very well do it himself. Not without coming off as a huge hypocrite anyway, and that was something he wasn't too keen on.

That left out sending an e-mail as well – and considering Blaine's penchant for saving those that just might be for the best anyway – and calling meant subjecting himself to Blaine's victim spiel.

Huh. That...didn't leave him much. In fact, as far as he could see that didn't really leave him anything, did it? Except... Blaine had sung "It's Not Right, But It's Okay". That was a breakup song. So, he **could** use that. Take a page out of Blaine's play book and act oblivious.

Oh, that just might work.

He'd return Blaine's things, call himself single and when confronted he'd just say that he had taken Blaine's behavior to mean a breakup. Perfect. That way Blaine would have to do at least some backtracking if he wanted to look good when whining – because it was Blaine, there **would** be whining – and while it wouldn't influence Kurt's decision it could be entertaining.

He didn't want to wait though, because past experiences had proven that nipping things in the bud worked best with the gleeks. That meant using Finn, he decided. He'd wait until Sunday evening and place the bag with Blaine's things outside of Finn's door with a note asking him to return it.

Finn would do it too, even if it'd only be because he'd have no idea what kind of errand he was really doing. Perfect. That would take care of that, **and** give everyone some time to get things out of their systems before Kurt himself returned to school. So, Blaine would get his things during Glee Monday morning, Kurt would update his relationship status on facebook (and yes, that felt ridiculous, but) about that time as well, and that would be it.

"Klaine" would officially be over and Kurt Hummel would be a free man.

It sounded like sweet music to his ears.

Speaking of music, it was time for him to get to work on his audition piece.

Finding videos online of his new song wasn't hard, and he drank in every detail of the different performances. He was on the fence about recreating any of them in detail, yet at the same time the idea was tempting. This was NYADA on the line, and standing there meekly while singing didn't seem to be the right way to go, not when 'DA' stood for 'Dramatic Arts'.

Well, Kurt could deliver dramatic. And he was pretty sure he could rock those pants too.

Avoiding Finn for the weekend wasn't exactly an accomplishment, not when his stepbrother mostly only came home to sleep. With Carole away and Kurt refusing to leave his room the quarterback was left to his own devices for food, and as that meant sandwiches, pop-tarts and glue-like mac'n'cheese, well. Apparently even vegan food topped a weekend of that, because where else would Finn go except Rachel's?

Kurt didn't mind at all. Being home alone meant freedom, and he used what hours he had of that fully. When he wasn't working on his audition, or his homework, he spent time talking to David on Skype. Whenever he heard the distinctive sounds of Finn coming back home he would make sure he was inside his bedroom, lock the door, put on headphones and catch up on shows. It wasn't ideal, but it worked.

It was peaceful, quiet and exactly what he needed..

Of course, he was going to have to pay for that later as it came courtesy of ignoring every single person in his life except for his father and David. He'd turned his phone back on, sending all calls not from those two numbers straight to voice mail, and promptly deleted the multitude of texts. All of them came from various members of the New Directions, with everyone except Sam and Mike chiming in, and none of the few he actually read were the least bit supportive.

Texts from Blaine, once again, shone with their absence. Kurt wasn't at all surprised, nor was he unhappy about it. That particular shitstorm would hit soon enough – he might as well enjoy himself while the silence lasted.

Once Finn went to bed Sunday night Kurt took the note he'd written, explaining that he'd be staying home sick, and could Finn please give the bag to Blaine for him, and placed it and said bag strategically outside of Finn's room. There would be no way for his stepbrother to miss it, not even if he had one of his less conscious mornings.

The next morning he listened to the usual sounds of Finn getting ready, and once the car left the driveway he peeked out. No bag. _Perfect. _There was, however, a note taped to his door with a scribbled "Okay" and that meant step one was completed. Now all he needed to do was wait.

He was halfway through breakfast when his phone alerted him to a new text. Blaine. He opened it, curious about his ex's reaction, and snorted at the confused words. _"Why did Finn give me a bag? Why is your ring in it? Kurt?"_ Yeah, because clearly there were so many explanations for that one. Why go for the obvious one?

Well, the next step should bring the message home, he guessed and logged onto facebook. Updating his relationship status to single only took a few seconds. On a whim he also unfriended Blaine, meaning that his security settings should keep that particular corner of his life relatively Blaine (and blame) free.

Huh. Why had he agonized so much over this again? Because so far breaking up with someone wasn't as hard as he'd thought. Or maybe it was just the fact that he absolutely didn't care any longer that made it feel that way.

Finn came home from school furious. Kurt hadn't really expected anything else, and so he'd made sure to barricade himself in. To someone not him, not knowing the whole story and the reasoning behind the act, using his stepbrother to deliver Blaine's things had probably seemed more than a little callous.

It took 40 minutes of banging on Kurt's bedroom door and screaming at it for Finn to give up.

Kurt used the time to watch an episode of Torchwood.

Come Thursday his reprieve was up. With his audition the next day he'd known he would have to go back, but... Kurt really didn't want to give up his peaceful existence to return to the screaming chaos that was McKinley. Even one more day would have been heavenly, even though they had Glee on Fridays. Still, only having to go through one day of bitching before his audition would have been amazing. He thought about David, who was safe at home, and sighed with envy. The circumstances surrounding David's homeschooling might have been far from ideal, but the fact that he didn't have to bother with anything but studying? Made Kurt green with envy.

He'd skyped with David for at least an hour every day he'd been home, and talked about everything. It had even been good for his schoolwork, as David was a lot better than him at everything math related. If he'd only know that back during the Bully Whip days, because he would totally have taken advantage.

However with his dad insisting that he either return to school or visit a doctor he didn't exactly have an option, and so school it was. And it was proving to be every bit as irritating as he'd feared.

He barely made it through the door before the questions – and the shaming – started. Mercedes was the first one, spotting him walking to his locker, and she was furious. On Blaine's behalf. Because it wasn't like she was supposed to be **his** friend, now was it?

Listening to her berating him for hurting Blaine, for being insensitive, for not talking to her... It all hurt. But when she started on his "cheating" the hurt was quickly replaced by anger. Really? She was going to lecture him about cheating, and how wrong it was? Like she had any room to talk.

"Mercedes? I'm not trying to be rude here, but this? Is none of your business, so butt out. Okay?"

And before she could come up with something else to hurt or anger him he walked away. _She didn't even __**like**__ Blaine!_ When he'd first met Blaine the year before Mercedes had been suspicious, and less than supportive. Part of it had been, he knew, about protecting him from making the same mistake Rachel had with Jesse St James. But the rest... The rest had been about jealousy. Mercedes might have been over her crush on him, but she hadn't been ready to completely let him go. She also hadn't liked the fact that someone with so few prospects had gotten a boyfriend while she was still single.

Petty, yes, but true.

She'd gotten over her issues with Blaine later – but like with Finn Kurt sometimes found himself wishing she hadn't gotten over them quite as well. He would have liked to be able to trust that the girl he had loved so fiercely – even though it hadn't been in the way she once had wished – would back him up.

People kept approaching him throughout the day – when they could find him, as he quickly took to hiding – and he kept telling them to back off. It worked, to a degree, as they mostly left him alone after one try. Unfortunately them not talking to him about Blaine extended to them not talking to him at all.

The only two he didn't see was Rachel and Blaine. In the latter's case he suspected it was about allowing the others to "soften him up", to make Kurt more amenable to whatever bullshit Blaine would finally spew at him in an attempt to make Kurt take the blame for everything and beg for forgiveness. _Hmmm. Maybe I should tone it down a bit._ Not that he didn't think that it was an apt description, it was just...a little too bitchy even for him.

As for not having to deal with Rachel... That was most likely just luck.

His luck ran out Friday morning, just as he'd known it would. They had Glee first period, and that meant facing everyone together for the first time since Blaine's little "serenade". He was met by a mix of glared and disappointed looks. And, of course, Blaine's wounded puppy face number 3, the one Kurt hated the most. It didn't just radiate hurt, oh no. It also practically stunk of selfrighteousness, hinting at how even though Blaine couldn't understand how someone would treat him so horribly he'd still forgive them, because he was a better person.

Yeah. He was being bitchy alright. He suspected it had something to do with the fact that he'd suppressed all negative thoughts about Blaine for so long, and now his subconscious was getting back with a vengeance.

"Kurt"

"Yes, Mr Schue?" Huh. The teacher practically never called on him, unless it was time for him to perform, or receive a lecture. It shouldn't be either of those, not when he'd been out sick (at least as far as they knew) so what did the man want?

"Are you ready to start us off?"

"I'm sorry? Am I supposed to perform today? Because I checked my e-mail, and there was nothing about a new assignment."

The usual order was for new assignments to be handed out Mondays, with performances Wednesday and Friday, with the following Monday as a backup if needed. (A.k.a. whenever Rachel derailed their entire schedule, a.k.a. pretty much every single week.) However, they weren't always given something, and Kurt had thought (hoped) that this time it had been so they could start preparing for Nationals. Obviously he'd been wrong.

"We decided to prolong Whitney week. There were a few who wanted to perform again, and you never performed your song."

Noooo... Because he'd been home, officially sick. He hadn't expected it to be a big deal, or really any deal at all, since people were allowed to miss out on assignments all the time, and not just because of sickness. Clearly that didn't apply to him. Of course not. Because that would mean for Mr Schue to actually be fair, and that would have to be one of the signs of the apocalypse.

"Of course, if you'll just give me a few minutes, I'll–"

"Oh, don't worry, Brad already has your music."

He startled. Brad had his music? How? He hadn't given the man any sheet music, hadn't even completely decided– _Oh. Right._ Kurt felt his eyes narrow, and his metaphorical claws come out. Someone – or someone**s** – had interfered. As usual.

Thanking his habit of being over-prepared he pulled out his Glee folder and walked over to the piano to exchange a few words with Brad. The pianist had been given music, alright, just not **Kurt's** music. Not even close. He forced down a growl as he stared at the sheet music on the stand, neatly labeled "I Have Nothing". Because clearly his life wasn't complete unless he was groveling.

Trying really hard not to take out his anger on the wrong person Kurt took a deep breath and switched out the music, handing over the one for the song **he** had chosen, ignoring the murmurs in the room. Lucky for him that Brad knew how to sightread.

One more deep breath and he turned to face the group.

"This song is very special to me. It was my mother's favorite, and we used to sing it together."

Maggie Hummel had loved music, and singing – even if she hadn't had an ounce of talent. She'd still sung, every single day. She'd sung along with the radio and the movies, had sung him to sleep and had drawn him into duets – rehearsed or impromptu – all the time. Her love for music had been a gift she'd offered her son, and he'd embraced it fully.

This truly had been her favorite, and for a while they'd sung it daily. It had been playing at her funeral as well, requested by his dad. Kurt had never been able to hear it, or sing it, since that day without hearing her voice joining him. He devoutly hoped he never would. It was painful, yes, but it was a good pain. Every single note of the song was connected to memories filled with love – and those should never be allowed to fade away.

"_Each day I live..."_

He didn't know, and he probably never would, but he suspected that it had been her unofficial anthem, related to the cancer that had been slowly killing her. She'd made the best of every day, had filled them with love and laughter, and had given her husband and son so much. He loved his dad with everything he had, but his mom? She was the one that had **made** him, had shaped both her Hummel men into who they were.

"_Give me one moment in time_

_When I'm more than I thought I could be_

_When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away_

_And the answers are all up to me"_

He allowed the music to swallow him up, allowed his voice to soar as the song became his wish for the future.

"_Then in that one moment of time_

_I will, I will be_

_I will be free"_

When he came down from the high of performing he was hit by exactly how fitting the song was. His dreams **were** just a heartbeat away – or rather one audition – and everything really was up to him now. It was time to ignore the pettiness of the New Directions and refocus on his next performance – one that was infinitely more important.

Of course, it wasn't going to be that easy. Once he walked out of the choir room Rachel cornered him. Nothing could get her to back down, or for that matter allow him to get more than a word in edgewise, and finally Kurt lost it.

Taking a step forward he held up a hand – placing his palm less than an inch from her mouth – and shushed her.

"Rachel? I'm not going to talk to you about this, at all. And I have absolutely no desire to listen to you talk at me about it either. What I am going to do is to focus on my audition, which just so happens to be in just five hours. I suggest you do the same, instead of sticking your nose where it doesn't belong."

Her eyes went wide, and then narrowed, the color rising on her cheeks. For a second he even thought she'd resort to stomping her foot, or maybe even slapping him. Neither was beyond the realm of possibility, not with Rachel Berry. She didn't though, just huffed and jerked her head sharply at him.

"Fine. Be that way. But don't come crying to me if Blaine decides he's had it with waiting for you to return to your senses. And don't expect me to help you with your song either. Good luck replacing me."

And then she stormed away. Kurt just looked at her stiff back and swishing skirt with a bitter smile. It was always good, he supposed, to know where you stood with people, who would have your back no matter what, and who wouldn't. As for her backing out of helping him at practically the last minute... If he'd been actually relying on her, instead of just meaning to have her there as support and well, props, then he really would have been in trouble.

_Good thing I changed my audition piece then, isn't it?_

It was such a Rachel thing to do too, to storm out and abandon people who counted on her, all while seeing herself as irreplaceable. Maybe he really was better off without her, in every sense of the word. Well, he'd show her. He'd show all of them. He was going to walk out on that stage, and he was going to **own** it.

He stood in the spotlight, basked in it, reveled in the feeling of knowing he was about to deliver the performance of a lifetime. The moment was here, and it was his.

"My name is Kurt Hummel, and I will be performing 'Not the Boy Next Door' from 'The Boy from Oz'."

_~ TBC ~_


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor would I care to with the current writing.

**Dance Alone Pt 5**

Rachel had bombed her audition. Rachel Berry had completely, utterly and totally choked. Nope, saying it again didn't make it feel any more real. Kurt couldn't believe it, and he'd been there to witness it.

Oh, he hadn't meant to. Once he'd finished his song and accepted Carmen Thibedeaux's commentary he'd hurried off stage and grabbed his things, meaning to get out as soon as possible. Preferably without Blaine stopping him. Because yes, of course Blaine was sitting in the audience, next to Finn and Mr Schue.

There had been...something in Blaine's face that Kurt didn't know how to interpret. Part of it was, he was sure, about the fact that Kurt had changed his song. Maybe even about how he'd looked, taking the stage in those gold pants, dancing in the spotlight, and going all out. Whatever it was... Well, it was unlikely to bode well for Kurt though. At least if Blaine got his way. He had no intention of letting that happen.

He'd gotten as far as the auditorium doors when Rachel had faltered, and come to a dead stop. It hadn't seemed possible, so he'd turned around, certain his ears were decieving him, and watched in horror as the scene unfolded in front of him. Rachel **had** forgotten the lyrics. And then she'd done it again.

After three years of Glee, where Rachel always had a song ready, always managed to find a reason to perform, he'd come to view her in a slightly unrealistic way, he knew it. That she would forget the lyrics to any song was unbelievable, and for it to be a song she'd practiced for over a decade? It didn't happen, okay. It just didn't. Except it had, and now apparently Rachel's world was crashing down.

Madam Thibedeaux had been less than graceful in her dismissal, but he understood why. If you couldn't manage an audition, how could you be expected to handle NYADA or Broadway?

And, oh god, it made him feel like such an awful person, but he was relieved. Yes, Rachel had been his friend, and part of him **ached** for her, but he needed this. No matter how horrible it made him sound, Rachel choking was a good thing for Kurt Hummel. First of all there was the simple fact that no matter how much he'd rocked his audition – and Carmen Thibedeaux had said so herself, had complimented him – he didn't have much on his CV. In comparison with Rachel, well, if it came down to the two of them he was afraid he'd lose. Not because he thought she was more talented than him, because he thought they were fairly equal, but because she was so much more traditional and had gotten so much spotlight.

He would never have wished for her to do badly, but at the same time he couldn't help looking out for himself first.

Second... Choking meant Rachel would be off his back for a while. Finn too, as he would focus on whatever his fiancée wanted and needed to the exclusion of everything else. Maybe Blaine would as well. With a little luck he could get weeks of peace from this.

Dinner that night felt strange. He'd been on his own for a week, eating at his desk, and here he was sitting at the dining table with his family. Or rather, with his dad and Carole. Finn was over at the Berry's, apparently trying to convince Rachel that choking wasn't the end of the world. Of course, Kurt could understand how she might feel that way seeing as she'd been so insistent than neither of them apply to another school, that it was NYADA or nothing.

It was peaceful, a normal Friday night, with them chatting about Kurt's audition – Burt preening every bit as much as Kurt, glowing with happiness over Madam Thibedeaux's praise – and Burt's political work. There was warmth, and love, and happiness, and Kurt was once more reminder of not only how lucky he was, but of how much he'd miss this when he moved out.

Still. Having his dad home for the weekend was a mixed blessing. He missed his dad so much during the weeks, and even more so those weekends when Burt's duties kept him in D.C., and every minute they got to spend together was treasured. But right now there was an undertone to everything, darkening the shine of Kurt's happiness.

Things might be happy and peaceful right then, but it wouldn't last. Not when he knew Finn was bound to blab about Blaine and Chandler any second.

Oh, there was a chance, a small one, that Finn would be too wrapped up in Rachel to get around to it but Kurt wasn't holding out much hope. And even if he got his wish for the rest of **this** weekend? There was the next one. Because Finn **would** bring it up. He might have started the year resenting Blaine, but these days he was one of the boy's firmest supporters – rivaled only by Rachel. Kurt himself? Had always had too realistic a view of the ex-Warbler to compete.

Saturday morning however brought the talk Kurt had dreaded. Oh, it was disguised as a father-son bonding slash car tune up at the empty garage, but Kurt knew what it was really about. No use trying to delude himself – that would only hurt more.

"So, I heard that you and Blaine broke up. Want to talk about it?"

No, not really, but he didn't think his dad was going to accept that answer. Not when Kurt **knew** Finn had to have been spreading Blaine propaganda to their parents. The next words out of his dad's mouth confirmed it.

"Because according to Finn you cheated, and then proceeded to treat Blaine like crap. Now, that doesn't sound like the son I raised, so I thought I'd ask for your side of the story."

_That...dirty rat bastard!_ So the option of not talking was out the window, fine, but he wasn't going to tell his dad everything, just enough. Oh, and then he'd be planning his revenge on Finn.

"What you're saying is that when I was asleep last night Finn took the opportunity to trash-talk me? Great. Good to know he's willing to take time out of his busy schedule to interfere in my private life."

"Kurt..."

"**Dad**. It wasn't his place to tell you **anything**. Especially considering he doesn't actually know anything, he's just taking Blaine's word for it. Yes, Blaine and I are over. No, we're not getting back together. And no, I didn't cheat. I would never, and you know that. They should all know that."

Because in the end, that was what was hurting the most. Not that his boyfriend – _ex_ – had believed it, but that his friends had. They, even more than Blaine, were supposed to believe in him, to back him up and defend him. And yet the closest any of them had come was silence.

"What happened is that I ran into someone, we started talking, traded numbers and started texting. Blaine found those texts while going through my phone and decided it was cheating." No sugarcoating anything, because this was his dad, his biggest supporter, and damn if Kurt was going to be anything but honest and himself when talking to him.

"It wasn't, I was just talking to someone, but Blaine doesn't see it that way. So I thought it over and decided I was better off without Blaine."

"Why? I mean, it's your life and your call, I just thought Blaine made you happy."

"I thought so too, dad, I did. But he doesn't anymore. He broke his promises to me, and that's a big deal in my book." Seeing his dad's raised eyebrow he clarified: "He promised me he would always listen, and that he would always support and defend me, even if I was wrong. Pretty words, but as it turns out there was no substance behind them."

Then again, wasn't that the ongoing theme of Blaine's promises?

"In fact, instead of listening to me he called me out in glee club, which was also breaking a promise. Add the fact that apparently he felt there were two sets of rules in our relationship, one for me and one for him? No thanks."

"And with that on top of all the other issues with our relationship, little things I've forgiven and tried to forget but that still hurt... I decided I didn't want that any longer. I've had it with having to bury my issues just to have a boyfriend."

And it felt so good to say it out loud, to just unload and not **care**, not have to try and be diplomatic. He felt lighter, in body and mind, and held back a smile. Freedom and honesty felt so **good**.

"He wanted different rules for the two of you?"

"Well, he never said that, at least, you know, not using those words, but that's what it sounded like to me. Me texting a gay boy who admires me is cheating, but him texting a gay boy who wants to fuck him is not. To me that sounds like hypocrisy, but." He shrugged.

He seemed to be the only one thinking that though. Every single one of their friends knew about Blaine and Sebastian talking at least – the fact that Blaine had managed to blab about their set list had ensured that – and yet none of them had called him out on it. In fact, it seemed to completely have slipped their minds.

Blaine hadn't even experienced any real fallout because of it, even if that might have been thanks to the tainted slushie and the following surgery. Still. It made Kurt more than a little angry – and hurt – that they were willing to let that slide, but threw themselves on the "Kurt is a cheater" train.

"I'm going to have to agree. I would have expected better of him, really. Not that he hasn't messed up before, because I know he has. And with how private you tend to keep things, well, if **I** know he screwed up, then there has to be a lot more times that you haven't told me – if anyone – about. I just thought he had to have gotten smarter – because why else would you have stayed with him for a year?"

And that...was a good question.

"I was in love with him. He told me he loved me. I thought that was worth a lot of forgiving."

"Yeah, it is, but kiddo? That's supposed to go both ways. If it doesn't, then it isn't love."

And as he was gathered into his dad's arms Kurt thought that summed things up pretty good. Love was supposed to go both ways. Things with Blaine...too often hadn't.

_Of course Rachel leaving me alone didn't last long._ Kurt sighed. Few things did, in his experience – few **good** things at least – but he'd hoped this one would have held out for at least a week. It looked like it hadn't even lasted the weekend.

Rachel had apparently decided to refocus, and devote all of the energy previously reserved for getting into NYADA to getting "Klaine" back together. It was killing him – or rather: it was making him want to kill.

It also made Kurt have one more reason to be grateful for Rachel's choking as it meant that he probably wouldn't have to deal with her next year. Provided, of course, that he got in, but he felt more positive about his chances than ever before. Strange how breaking up with his boyfriend had made him feel stronger and more secure in himself than he had in a long time.

It was Tuesday lunch, and Kurt was once again resorting to hiding in the darkest corner of the library. He was reaching his limit, and fast. Unless something happened, soon, he'd wring Rachel's neck.

_To: David_

_From: Kurt_

_I don't know if I overestimated Rachel's devotion towards Broadway and NYADA, or underestimated her unrivaled potential for driving me insane._

_From: David_

_To: Kurt_

_What happened this time? Wait, sounds like a long story. Wanna come over after school and tell me about it? I have cheesecake and news... ;-)_

_To: David_

_From: Kurt_

_There's no need to bribe me, you know (but I'll definitely take the cake!) See you in a few hours._

There really was no need for David to try and bribe him – Kurt would have come over anyway. The promise of news, along with the light tone of David's message, would have ensured that. And even if there had been no actual reason, well, there was still the offer of friendship – and for that, Kurt would have done a lot more than just driving across town.

Strange how they'd bonded – how they'd gotten to this, when you looked at the disaster of junior year. Strange, but no less welcome for that.

The rest of the day passed as the ones before – with Kurt utilizing every bit of sneakiness he'd learned over the years to avoid his so-called friends, his step-brother, Mr Schue and his ex. He knew their schedules like the back of his hand, making it easier, yet the same was true in reverse. Sooner or later, he knew, he'd run out of luck and be cornered outside of Glee.

Strange, with how much he detested seeing the various couples' fights play out in front of an audience, but he'd prefer getting confronted there. At least in the choir room there would be an adult putting some effort into keeping things contained. Out here? He feared it would be vicious.

His luck did run out, and that same day too. When he reached his car after classes Blaine popped up from where he'd been (hiding) waiting. Kurt just sighed, and tried to leave without engaging in an argument with the other boy. He was not in the mood for defending himself from any more whiny accusations. He was stopped by a hand on his arm, which caused him to turn around and level a glare at his ex while shaking the hand off. Blaine restraining him physically was **not** okay.

Of course, as seemed to be the norm these days, Blaine acted like there was nothing the matter, and started whining.

"Kurt! Come on, Kurt, you have to talk to me."

_Do I? According to whom, exactly?_ Because Kurt was fine with not talking to Blaine, had been ever since he'd decided he was done, and he was pretty sure he'd stay fine with it.

"You know I usually love your drama, but this isn't cute any longer, it's just childish."

"What's so childish, Blaine? That I returned your things instead of throwing them out or something? I would have thought that would be the opposite of childish."

"Breaking up with me like this, over **nothing**, I–"

"Stop. Okay, just...don't. **You** were the one to sing me a breakup song, telling me to 'return my key' – which I did, by the way – after snooping and calling me a cheater. Oh, and don't forget refusing to talk to me. Was I supposed to take that as us still being a couple? The way I see it **you** were the one to end things between us – I just didn't fight you on it."

Oh, he'd been fairly certain all along that Blaine hadn't actually meant to break up with him – just humiliate him, and make him come crawling, begging for forgiveness – but actually admitting that wouldn't serve his purposes.

"I didn't break up with you! I might have chosen a bad song, but I didn't... I was just–"

"Embarrassing me in front of all my friends? Shaming me? Oh, okay, so that makes it alright then, does it? In that case I guess I was the one to end it after all. And don't kid yourself, Blaine, it's over. **We** are over."

He watched as the other boy's face went from puppyish hurt and confusion to anger, watched it contort as Blaine prepared to go off on him and decided that enough was enough.

"Just, please. Don't. I don't want to fight, I just want to get through what remains of my high school days in relative peace. I'd appreciate it if you could be mature enough about this to let me."

He took advantage of having cut off Blaine, at least temporary, got in his car and drove away.

By the time he arrived at the Karofsky house he'd calmed some and put the confrontation with Blaine behind him. Maybe he should have been more shaken, more effected, but the truth was that he'd already let go of the relationship, and everything connected to it. What he'd found on Blaine's computer had changed things – had ended them – and there was no going back.

It was possible, he thought, that he'd taken the arguing with his friends harder that the fight – and breakup – with Blaine. He knew he'd expected more of them – and that did not sound good. At all.

David looked at him and didn't say anything, wisely, just showed him to the table. A pot of tea stood ready next to an awesome looking cheesecake that made Kurt's mouth water. Empty calories be damned, but there was no way he was missing out on that cake. If it tasted even half as good as it looked he'd even take two slices, and smile through the extra exercise. (The first bite told him he might not be able to stop at two.)

"So... What did Berry do this time then?"

"She– argh. Remember what I told you Friday, about her totally bombing her audition? Well, I thought that might get her out of my hair for a while. After all, she's been even more focused on New York than me. While I would have expected her to pull out of the 'my life is over' phase sooner or later, I also would have thought it would last longer than this."

"And I really, really would have thought that bombing her college audition – to the only college she applied to too, I might add – would take precedence over trying to meddle in my breakup."

His hands were gripping too tight around the mug and he eased up a little. No point in causing damage on Rachel Berry's account, after all.

"She what? Are you serious?"

"Oh yes. I thought she was being difficult last week, but she's even worse now! It's ridiculous, okay? She was a wreck – hell, her dads actually sat shiva! Sorry, that's–"

"I know what it is. And I've got to say, I find that more than a little offensive that they did that because she forgot a **song**. That's...not how it should be."

_Oh_. Kurt had never thought about whether or not David was religious – it wasn't something he thought about with anyone, truly – but it seemed he might be. It didn't matter, not unless he tried to force Kurt into believing though, and so he just let it go. If David wanted to talk religion he'd have to bring it up himself.

"Oh, I agree. I might not be religious myself," best get that out, in case David cared, "but I do believe in treating the rites like they matter. But, to be honest, Rachel didn't get this way on her own. Her dads have had...an interesting approach when it comes to raising her, shall we say. Still. When you let something become that important, it should take some time to get over it, right? Except Rachel went straight to hounding me about getting back with Blaine."

The first call had come Sunday, and been followed by a barrage of texts once she'd realized he wasn't picking up or calling her back.

"She was lying in wait for me when I came to school yesterday, and no, I'm not kidding. And she's been practically stalking me since. Not just the usual 'I'm your friend and you're going to talk to me whether you want to or not' stalking either, but full on Jacob ben Israel level. If I, as a guy, behaved that way towards a girl I would have had the police after me. I actually have to hide when I'm not in classes, otherwise she's there at once, telling me what a bad boyfriend I am, and how ashamed of myself I should be. Oh, and handing out tips for songs I could sing as an apology."

David's eyebrows flew up.

"Seriously, does no one in your group believe in actually **talking** about shit? I mean, I know I said you and your boyfriend, sorry, ex, needed to talk not sing, but I was kind of joking."

"Yeah, well. Glee. That's what we do, apparently. Or **don't** do, as it was. We gossip, listen to rumors instead of talking to the people involved, sing it out instead of talk... And to be fair, it works, sometimes."

When it worked it was easy, comforting, not having to actually say the words making everything so much more manageable, but when it didn't... Oh, what a mess it became, and how quickly.

"I guess none of us has learned yet when singing works, and when we have to use actual words instead. All of us are, in our own way, more or less damaged, I think, and talking about the important things isn't something we've learned to do well yet. Speaking of which, you had news?" It was a bad lead-in, and he knew it, but he'd had it with talking about Rachel Berry. Unless... "Unless, of course, you have some great tip for me on how to get rid of her, **without** landing myself in jail?"

"Yeah, right. Because if **you** can't come up with one, clearly I'm the person to ask? Are you serious? You're a lot more devious than me, Kurt. If you can't do it, then who am I to try? After all, I regularly bow down before your superior awesomeness."

There was amusement lacing the other boy's voice, and hearing it made Kurt so happy. For a while there he'd feared David would never have that again – wouldn't **be around** to have it. He would give a lot to make sure that it stayed.

"It's.. I mean, I don't want her **dead** or anything, just... I don't want to have to deal with her. So if someone were to like, tranq her and ship her of to Antarctica or something, that would be lovely. Or, or, if she ended up with permanent larangytis. Seriously, it'd be awesome. A mute Rachel Berry... That would be a true miracle, right there." Really, it might even be enough to make even him believe in the existence of a god, even if he wasn't going to say that out loud.

"But really, enough about Rachel Berry. You promised me news," he sing-songed.

"Okay, okay. What you said last time, about not letting one college rejecting me stand in my way, to look at options, well, I spent a lot of time thinking about that. So I did some research and made some calls. Three of the clubs I talked to asked me to send copies of all my stuff; school papers, stats, game footage..."

"That's amazing!"

"It gets even better though," and David's smile reached an almost blinding level. "I got an offer from one of them yesterday." Kurt's mouth fell open. "Not to play, obviously, but for a sort of internship with the manager and the coach. They even said they'd make sure I get some time on the ice as well, for practice."

He didn't know much about hockey, or sports at all really, because he'd never cared, but this? This sounded amazing, on the almost-too-good-to-be-true level. Phenomenal. He said so, and quickly added "and it's no less than you deserve. I'm so happy for you!"

"Yeah, I just... It feels unreal. Like I'm going to wake up any minute and it's all been a dream. Too good to be true, you know? It's a good team, really good, and I will be getting some incredibly valuable experience. There's a good school for me there too, if I want to work in classes. Even if I don't actually get any ice time, except for solo skating when the rink is empty, it's still more that I dared hope for. And I never would have gotten around to doing this if not for you encouraging me."

The gratitude felt good, sure, but also too much.

"You would have, I know you would. There's no way you would have let yourself be pushed down in the long run." He looked down on his plate to hide the slight flush on his face. All of this mutual appreciation was getting to him – it had been a while since he'd been seen this way, and since he'd complimented someone like this, out of the blue. Being friends with David felt good, and he continued to be grateful for the opportunity, suspected he would for years to come. Speaking of...

"David? This team you're talking about, where are they at?"

"Canada. I'll be moving to Canada," and Kurt's heart sank a little, "and this is where I'm feeling a little stressed out. They want me there as soon as possible. And seeing as my last finals are Friday..."

His heart sank further. Was he going to lose David this soon, after just finding him? That...sounded _unfair_ less than great.

"So you'll be leaving before I do then? Before the rest of us graduates, I mean."

"Yes. I'm pretty much going to pack up and leave this weekend. It feels strange, but I need to get out of here. There's nothing for me in Lima," and that **had** to be the bottom his heart was hitting, "not really. I mean, I'm going to miss my dad, and you, but the rest? Not so much. And it's not like I can justify sticking around for another couple of weeks just to get in more time with the two of you."

"No, I guess not. Though I **am** going to miss you as well, you know," and he took a chance, reached across the table and squeezed David's hand for a couple of seconds. Because he really, really would.

He was in a mixed mood when he came home, both happy to have spent some quality time with a friend – in the end they'd done school work before ordering pizza and watching a movie – and sad that he wasn't going to get many more days like this. David would be gone by the end of the week, and in a few weeks it would be Kurt's time to leave, only for New York. _Hopefully._

That didn't make it any easier, the thought that he would be in the city of his dreams. He wanted it all, he supposed.

Opening his e-mail, because he'd heard – and ignored – the ding notifying him of a new message several times during the evening, he wondered what he'd find. It was the address he used for school related things, and for a second he allowed himself the thought that maybe it was NYADA, already, informing him he'd been accepted. It wouldn't be, not for at least another week, and probably not through e-mail either, but still. Dreaming was important.

Of course he was right, and it wasn't anything as pleasant as college. It was the Glee assignment for the week, the one they were supposed to have gotten the day before. Because naturally they were still doing weekly assignments instead of preparing for Nationals – after all, all they had to do was pick a set list, learn the tunes and lyrics, come up with and learn choreography and assign solos. (Or well, not the last, because Kurt was pretty sure he knew how that would go.)

This week was apparently lost. That left them three weeks. Three weeks to do all of that, and do it well enough to become National Champions. _Who needs more than three weeks for that anyway? _And god, he needed to tone it down, because he could actually **feel** the bitterness of that though on his tongue. So, instead of dwelling on it any longer he opened the message, slightly curious as to what lesson Mr Schue felt they needed to learn this time.

And stared.

_Those interfering, good for nothing __**bitches**__!_ He was fuming. So it hadn't been enough for everyone to poke and prod and "casually" bring up how Kurt needed to fix things with Blaine? It hadn't been enough for them to have pushed for him to serenade his ex with Whitney the week before last? Oh no. Of course not.

Apparently his refusal to do so made it necessary to also involve Mr Schue and make sure there was an entire assignment created for the sole purpose of Kurt begging for forgiveness. Oh, he might not be able to **prove** that that was what had happened, but. What else could it be?

"Pick a song that expresses your feelings for one or several members of the group."

And somehow Kurt had ended up having to go first, to perform the very next day.

It wasn't even as anyone was subtle about it – the rest of the messages he'd gotten while at David's basically consisted of "hints" and song suggestions. It seemed as if "I Have Nothing" was still seen as his obvious choice, at least by most of the girls with Rachel and Mercedes in the lead. That, at least, answered his question about who had taken it upon themselves to provide Brad with that particular sheet music.

Well. He'd show them. He had the **perfect** song, and maybe afterwards everyone would get that he and Blaine were over, and back the hell off. He snorted. _Yeah, and maybe Lima will become gay friendly over night._

Still. Never abandon hope.

When it was time for him to perform he just got up quietly, walked to the front and nodded to the band. No lengthy introduction. No explanations, no pleas for forgiveness. He had his song, and that was enough.

He could see the looks, the nods, the nudges. All of his so-called friends, so smug, thinking they knew what was to come. Thinking they knew best. Well screw them. Kurt Hummel was **done** conforming to their expectations, done bending to Blaine's will. He'd done all the bending he could without breaking. Well, there had already been some breaking. Without breaking completely then.

It was obvious when they realized, one after the other, that the music playing wasn't for any of the songs they'd expected and/or suggested. It was equally obvious that none of them could identify the song yet. There would be scandalized gasps and looks once they did, he knew. He just didn't care.

He opened his mouth and started to sing.

( watch?v=0Fe8IVDYXVo)

"_You think that I can't live without your love_

– _You'll see"_

He let his eyes – cold, cool, judging – wander across the room, touching on every single member of the New Directions (and Mr Schue). The song might be primarily for Blaine, but the message, oh, the message wasn't for just his ex. It was for all of them. Some more than others, but.

"_You think I have nothing, without you by my side_

_You'll see – somehow, some way"_

It was as much a jab at the others' song choice, as it was a message for Blaine. His ex had acted like it was so certain Kurt would stay with him, no matter how badly he behaved, because who would Kurt be on his own? Himself is the answer, the one he didn't think the other boy had realized.

"_You think that you are strong, but you are weak – You'll see_

_It takes more strength to cry, admit defeat_

_I have truth on my side – you only have deceit_

_You'll see – somehow, some day"_

He saw, for just an instant, how Blaine flinched. The line about deceit had gotten to him, as Kurt had suspected it might, and it felt good to see.

As he prepared for the finale, to sing the words that were so fitting for his own situation, his future, he stared down both Rachel and Blaine – who were conveniently seated next to each other – and allowed his lips to twist into a wry smile.

"_I'll stand on my own, I won't need anyone this time_

_It will be mine – no one can take it from me_

_You'll see"_

He was done with them, both of them, and he didn't care who knew.

~ TBC ~


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor would I care to with the current writing.

_AN: I apologize for the wait. I've been swamped, between 50 hours/week at work and RL obligations. Pt 7 is in the works, and should hopefully not be more than two weeks._

**Dance Alone Pt 6**

The best thing about Wednesday's Glee practice (if it could be called that) was the time – after the last class. That had meant that after publicly dissing not only his ex but also most of his friends Kurt had been able to walk out and not have to deal with them any more that day. He'd even been able to avoid Finn, as he'd picked up takeout and gone over to the Karofsky home to help David pack.

That's what supportive friends did, right, when seeing someone they cared about stressed out and overwhelmed. With less than a weeks warning for a move not just across state lines, but to another country, David was in over his head, and Kurt... Well, Kurt just couldn't stand by and do nothing. Plus, helping out meant he got to spend time with David, and listen to what his friend's new life would look like.

Toronto sounded like a nice place, and David was excited, and it wasn't, Kurt reminded himself, like the other boy was going to the moon or even to Europe – _really, what was I __**thinking**__?_ – which was good, because transatlantic trips were **expensive**. Toronto was even a drivable distance, from both Lima and New York, only just over 300 miles. David could come visit. Kurt could go visit. There was still the option of e-mails, and skype. He wouldn't lose this friendship now, not when he'd just learned how precious it was to him.

He said as much to David, during a break in packing, and was rewarded with a shy but brilliant smile.

No. _Not losing this._

Sadly the fact that no one had been given the opportunity to harass him the day before meant that they'd had the time to work up to new levels of indignation. In the end Thursday was only tolerable because there was no Glee, and Kurt once again used the skills he'd perfected during years of bullying. He left no room for anyone to approach him alone, and not even Rachel Berry was willing to go after him in front of a teacher other than Mr Schue.

He just wished they'd give up. He wasn't getting back together with Blaine. His friends could harass him, and his ex could whine, grovel and serenade as he wished, but Kurt wasn't going to budge. What he'd seen of Blaine's correspondence with Sebastian had been too damning, and he found he enjoyed the freedom that came with not being with Blaine. That was telling, he thought, that he described breaking up not as becoming single, but as **being free from Blaine**.

The thought of taking the evidence he'd found and throw it in Blaine's face had struck him, but he'd given up on that almost immediately. Doing that would mean taking heat for snooping – maybe even getting in some serious trouble. He had, after all, entered the Anderson home without invitation. And in the end? He suspected no one would take his side anyway. Practically every single member of the New Directions had cheated, or helped someone cheat – including Mr Schuester. For them there was always an excuse, always some reason why their cheating wasn't really that bad or their fault.

_Chances are they'll still side with Blaine, and blame __**me**__ for him straying. Blaine will. It'll be my fault for him messing up, and my fault for me messing up. I wonder, when is it ever __**his**__ fault?_

Never, he suspected. And Kurt Hummel was done taking that. He deserved better, and he was going to make sure that he got it.

For a while he'd even thought about finding himself someone new and flaunt it. Not that he particularly wanted a new boyfriend, but it would have been an excellent way to upset Blaine. Kurt was pretty sure he wouldn't have had to look very hard – not if the way David watched him was any indication.

But no. He was still too hurt, too damaged, too fresh out of everything with Blaine and most importantly: he wasn't ready. Neither was David, as it were, plus the simple fact that they both deserved more.

David in particular deserved more than what Kurt could give at the moment. Besides, with David leaving in just three days, _don't think about that, not here,_ it wasn't as if the circumstances were in their favor. A relationship with David held a lot of potential, Kurt was sure, but to start something when they were on the brink of separation? That was just insane.

He didn't need a boyfriend though, not for his life to be good, and not if all he wanted to do was upset Blaine. All he needed for **that** to happen was to find a nice looking gay boy, either online or maybe through a visit to the closest lgbt youth center, and then go on a few public dates. Maybe even take said boy to prom. That'd be enough to show Blaine exactly how little Kurt cared, how little he intended to take his ex back.

But, again, David deserved better.

And yes, that too was rather telling.

Friday morning Kurt actually considered calling in sick again. The chances of Blaine not performing that morning – as well as the chances of his song not being for Kurt – were about the same as for a snowball in hell. But staying home wouldn't solve anything, and he knew it. If Kurt didn't show up today he'd only have to deal with it Monday instead, or whenever he did come back. Whitney week had taught him that much.

Besides, staying home, hiding in his bedroom, felt too much of running away. He'd done it once already because of Blaine, yes, but that had been so he'd be able to get his act together for the audition. He wasn't going to do it again. Years of bullying hadn't managed to drive him out of school, not really, so why should he let his ex do so?

Besides, there was one good thing about today's "practice": it was only 30 minutes. He could get through 30 minutes without committing violence, or otherwise get himself expelled, surely. _Right?_

He dressed for battle, so to speak, donning his own version of armor and making himself look as unapproachable as he could manage. For a glorious minute he considered packing the pepper spray that had rested in his nightstand all year, but after getting caught up in imagining using said spray on someone only to catch sight of the too pleased (and slightly scary) smile in the mirror he decided against it. The rest of the gleeks might be annoying the hell out of him, but there was no need to get expelled or suspended over them.

Walking into the choir room Kurt picked a seat carefully. Back row, against the wall, with his bag and jacket taking up the two seats next to him, all clearly signaling exactly how little he wanted to socialize. Of course, seeing as social graces and observation skills weren't exactly any of his friends' stronger skills it might not help, but he was still going to try. _After all, failings in others should never stop you from making an effort yourself._

The others looked at him with a mix of scorn and pity, in between supposedly supportive looks thrown in Blaine's direction. It only served to make him even more resolved. Whatever came out of Blaine's mouth, Kurt would **not** be taking him back, or forgiving him, or even try and be his friend again. Not even full on groveling, with a complete confession, would help. Oh, it'd make him happy, sure, and less likely to plot his ex's demise, but there would be – **could** be – no forgiveness. Not after everything.

He suffered through Mr Schue's blabbing about Wednesday's "interesting choices" as well as the first three songs – and yes, he even felt that listening to Mercedes constituted suffering – before it was time to steel himself as Blaine took the stage.

"So this is for Kurt." Blaine looked even more pitiful than usual, again with the hurt-puppy look, only this time it was "**kicked** hurt puppy". He was also staring at Kurt with what was probably supposed to be 'soulful' eyes. _Yeah right._ They made him look like a constipated cow.

_I'm so done with this._ Kurt suppressed both a sigh and the desire to rip into his ex. Even if Blaine's expression hadn't been offensive his outfit would have been – Kurt had made it **very** clear how much he hated that shirt. Of course, Blaine being Blaine meant it had all gone over his head. _Like just about everything, with his height... Stop it. _But seriously. What made Blaine think it was a good idea to serenade his ex wearing almost exactly the same clothes as he'd worn when making out with Rachel right in front of Kurt? Insanity. Just... No.

In fact, what had made Blaine think it was a good idea to serenade his ex at all? Did he really think it would work, that Kurt would let some poorly chosen song – and Blaine **excelled** at picking the worst possible song – get to him? Change his mind? Kurt stopped himself, and mentally rolled his eyes, because of course Blaine thought so. The idea that Blaine Anderson might not get what he wanted was simply too foreign to the boy.

The reality check would not be welcome. But that didn't change the fact that it would come. Because the answer would still be no. Not now, not like this. It was too little – whatever it was – and most definitely too late. It had been too late from the moment Blaine had opened his mouth to label Kurt a cheater.

Well, actually it had been too late much earlier, but **Kurt** hadn't known until then.

He had to confess to being a little curious as to what Katy Perry – or P!nk, he supposed – song Blaine had chosen though. Not because it mattered, but Kurt wanted to know how far Blaine was willing to push things.

The answer, he realized less than a minute into the song, was much too far.

It was an...interesting choice. Yes, it had Blaine admitting – or **seeming** to admit – that he'd "fucked up" and that he shouldn't have dragged their problems up in front of the group. But it also painted Blaine as some sort of innocent victim, and suggested – not so subtly – that Kurt should forgive him, a sentiment which had basically every head in the room nodding along.

"_But I never meant to hurt you_

_I know that it's time that I learnt to_

_Treat the people I love like I wanna be loved_

_This is a lesson learnt"_

Except Kurt had no reason what so ever to believe any of this. Blaine had meant to call him out, had meant it to be just as shaming and hurtful as it had been. He just hadn't meant for there to be any lasting consequences of it. The same was true, Kurt believed, of Blaine's interactions with Sebastian – it wasn't something that had happened by accident, and Blaine didn't really regret anything. No, Kurt didn't think Blaine had learned any lessons at all. Nor would he any time soon, by the looks of it.

He was just going to try harder to not get caught.

"_If I could turn back the hands of time_

_I swear I never would have crossed that line_

_I should have kept it between us_

_But no I went and told the whole world how I'm feeling_

_So I sit and I realise with these tears falling from my eyes_

_I gotta change if I wanna, keep you forever – I promise that I'm gonna try"_

Kurt felt his throat tighten, and bile rise. "Keep you forever". Once that would have sounded like heaven to him, but that was before he'd had his eyes opened and really seen the reality of their relationship. Now "forever" with Blaine just sounded like a threat. He didn't **want** to be kept – not that his opinion seemed to matter to anyone.

As for Blaine's promises to change... Kurt trusted those about as much as he trusted Blaine's fidelity, which by now had sunk below "hell no".

"_I'm not a saint no not at all_

_But what I did it wasn't cool_

_But I swear that I'll never do that again to you"_

He hadn't expected true remorse and insight from Blaine, that was true, but this? This was beating even his worst case scenarios when it came to song choice.

"_I hate that I let you down and I feel so bad about it_

_I guess karma comes back around_

_Cuz' now I'm the one that's hurting – yeah_

_And I hate that I made you think that the trust we have is broken_

_Don't tell me you can't forgive me cuz' nobody's perfect"_

Once the song was over Blaine just stood there and **stared**, while the rest of the group alternated between clapping their hands and looking at Kurt. Expecting him, no doubt, to 'come to his senses' and run into Blaine's arms, or something equally stupid.

The stares grew heavier, and Blaine was pulling out the kicked puppy routine again.

"Kurt?"

"Yes?"

"Do you... Don't you have anything to say?"

"You mean besides the fact that your body language was a bit off, and that particular song style isn't really something you should do?" Not to mention the faces. Really. **Never** mention the faces. If he could only never **see** them either... "Not really. But Blaine? Us being over? Me not forgiving you? Has **nothing** to do with with perfection. I know I'm not perfect, and I **definitely** know that you're not, but that doesn't mean I have to take you back or forgive you for treating me badly. If you feel bad, that's– There's nothing I can do to change what's happened."And even if he could, he wouldn't. Maybe to end things earlier, but not to stay together. "Because I don't just **think** my trust is broken, **I know** it is."

"But Kurt..." the boy whined. "Look, I realize that maybe I didn't handle things in the best way, but you really hurt me! Still, I should have been mature about it, and I'm sorry about that. But we can solve this."

"No, I really don't think we can. Besides, why would I **want** to solve anything with you? After everything you've done, Blaine, do you really expect me to just forget about it? I don't think so."

"I was upset! I had every right to be! You were the one to–" It looked like Blaine was going to continue his rant – and Kurt found he was kind of looking forward to it – but then he reined himself in. _Pity_.

"I overreacted. We should have sat down and talked, calmly and in private," _yeah, we really should have_, "and I shouldn't have picked that song. I didn't mean for you to interpret it as me breaking up with you."

"You already said so, remember? It still doesn't change anything."

Blaine spluttered, obviously miffed that things weren't going the way he wanted them to, and Kurt had to fight back a smile. Oh, the situation was anything but funny, but Blaine's faces... Those **were**.

"Look, Blaine, this is Glee, not couple's therapy. I'm not here to rehash a dead relationship, but since you obviously need to hear this again, fine. I'll indulge you, one last time. We're over. End of story."

He turned his head slightly and looked at Mr Schue.

"Mr Schuester? Are we done for today yet? Because while this has been really...illuminating I have somewhere to be."

His teacher looked at him incredulously, and clearly wanted to make him stay, but since not even Mr Schue could justify meddling that much into his students' personal lives he ended up nodding.

"Have a nice weekend guys, and see you Monday."

Now all he needed was to get away with as little damage as possible. That, apparently, was his goal these days: not to be left in peace, but to keep the harassment to a minimum. It reminded him of the old days, with locker shoves and dumpster tosses, and that? That just made him sad.

So much for the gleeks being family. So much for the choir room acting as a sanctuary. He stepped out into the corridor, felt a little of the tension disappear, and **ached** with the realization that the choir room and the New Directions were no longer a safe space for him.

He only got a handful of steps before he was being called back.

"Kurt!"

He winced. _Here we go again_. Rachel Berry was all about high notes, both on stage and when lecturing people, and his sensitive hearing didn't appreciate being subjected to them this often.

"Yes, Rachel?"

"It's time you stop acting like a child. Yes, Blaine messed up," _oh, like you know even half of it_, "but he apologized, and now you're just torturing him. That's **mean**, and I expected better from you." Because clearly not taking back his ex-boyfriend was 'mean' and not a personal choice. Well, at least she was consistent, because he remembered her acting the same towards Finn.

"I absolutely cannot have this kind of tension around me. Do you want to ruin everything for me, Kurt? I'm trying to get Madam Thibedeaux to come watch me sing at Nationals," _and there you go, assuming it'll be all about you, and never mind the fact that we don't have a set list yet_ "and that means everything has to be perfect. Do you hear me, Kurt? **Perfect**."

"I can be professional, Rachel. I want us to win just as much as anyone else, after all."

"But with your problems effecting him Blaine won't be performing at his best, and that means he'll be dragging me down. I can't afford that. You need to fix this, Kurt, because I will **not** let your petty issues end up costing me NYADA!"

She spun on her heel, stormed out and left him to stare at her back in disbelief. **He** would be costing her NYADA? Right. Because clearly her failure to deliver during her audition had nothing to do with it. He snorted. Sometimes he wondered how it would be like to live in Rachel Berry land, where everything good was your just due and everything bad was someone else's fault. Normally people got therapy and prescription drugs for delusions like that, but for Rachel... It just was.

And the really sad part? Rachel Berry had it in her to be **amazing** – and she was her own greatest enemy when it came to fulfilling that potential.

If she could just learn to see things differently, to view reality as it was, not as she felt it should be? He could have loved her. Could easily have been just as close to her as she constantly assumed he was.

He shook his head. That would never come to pass. Rachel's brand of love and friendship came at much too high a cost. The unintended quote brought a small smile to his lips. It was true though, borrowed words or not. It was true for Blaine as well.

Taking a deep breath and straightening his back he nodded. So be it. That song was going to guide him. Because he truly **was** done playing by everyone else's rules. Kurt Hummel was going to defy not only gravity and limits but expectations and demands.

_~TBC~_


End file.
